Random Thoughts #2.. Emotion.

I'm going to do another Random Thoughts today since I've had a lot of random thoughts. A lot of these today are really personal, but I feel like I need to write them out and I figure that I like to read about things going on people's lives.. so I think you wouldn't mind reading them.. but if you don't want to.. then.. obviously.. don't..

1. I love my roommates. Sometimes hanging out with them makes me sad that I never had sisters. But then I realize that if I did have sisters I probably wouldn't be spending so much time with my roomies. Honestly, every single one of them helps me in my life so much. I don't think I've ever been so excited to move anywhere than right now. I miss living with them so much that when I think about how close this next semester is I can't help but jump up and down for joy. Anyways, I hope you all know that I love you and appreciate everything that you do. Mostly, thanks for letting me laugh and be myself with you guys. It means a whole lot.

2.** (Sorry Jess! There is a Glee Spoiler in here.. like right now.. Look away now and read this section once you've seen Glee.)** Tonight on Glee Blaine finally kissed Kurt. It's something we've all been waiting for, and really i'm glad it finally happened. I think it's so amazing that Kurt is out and proud about himself and finally is has paid off for him. I also think it's so inspiring to have that on the television. I cannot fully explain to you my thoughts on this cause really it's all just emotions. How many of us truly show each other who we really are? I know I don't. I think it's so sad that in this world you can't go up to someone and say, "I'm gay," and not expect love from them. Why should we judge people? It's so wrong. It's also inspiring to see people living the way they want. It's easy to sit in the closet and hide.. It truly is. Alright maybe not the EASIEST thing in the world, but it's a lot easier then telling people who have always looked up to you and have always had the best faith in your and your future that you aren't who you are, and you never have been. It's frightening. So Kurt (I realize he's not real, but i'm really just talking to all the Kurt's out there.) Good on you for standing up for who you are. You truly are amazing.. And maybe someday I'll be able to take my own advice.

3. I miss you, I know you know who you are and i'm sure other people can guess. It scares me how much I miss you. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think of you and the way you would talk to me and hold my hand and just.. Love me. I know I messed up.. I know that.. But so did you.. and I know you know that. I was talking to a good friend the other night and he told me that he would always give someone a second chance.. I never did that. I regret it now. But, I can't begin to tell you how badly you hurt me. I can't even explain to you what you did to me actually.. did to me. I want to make things right, but I don't know how. I especially don't want you to not say hi to your friends when they come to watch you sing, just because i'm there. I NEVER wanted that. I just.. didn't want it to hurt anymore. But after seeing you, I realize that it probably won't stop hurting, because I Love you.. You are truly the one person who knows EVERYTHING about me. I can't say that about anyone else. You understand me. I trust you with my books if I die.. because you know what's best for me and you know what's best for them. I'm also afraid to apologize because of everyone else. People expect me to be strong for myself right now, but all I want is to curl up in your arms and bawl. I've needed you.. I truly have. I just.. want you to know that I love you.. and I miss you. I'm not the same person without you.. because i'm not a person without you.. I'm just this floating entity that's moving it's way through this life. It's cheesy, but you do kind of complete me. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this because most everyone around me is on this.. life high. Everything is going so great for them, and i'm happy for them, I am. Really.. I am. But it just makes me realize how empty I am.. When people talk about going on dates I don't think I have to cause I have you.. I think we need to talk.. In person.. But.. I've happened to delete off the face of my world.. And i'm also afraid to take the first step.. because i'm afraid of where it will lead me..

Thanks guys, for letting me get this out..
Remember who you are and what you stand for.. do as I say.. not as I do..

<3 KDWan..