Thursday, March 17, 2011

Random Thoughts #3 light hearted

This will be a little more jolly..

1. The Kurt and Blaine couple name is Klaine.. but I am a much bigger fan of Blurt.. Just putting it out there.

2. I've realized that while I do love the ukulele and every other instrument I play the guitar will forever be my soul instrument. Just like how Star Wars will always be my favorite show. and One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest will be my favorite book. Sometimes these things are just set in stone and nothing can shake that foundation.

3. Also on a Glee note: Kurt sang Blackbird which has to be my favorite Beatles song. I know it's almost impossible to pick a favorite Beatles song, but if you think about what song relates the most to you and touches you the most then there you have your favorite song.. Mine will be Blackbird for quite sometime. Next comes Something and then While My Guitar Gently Weeps. (Back to the guitar thing.)

4. Only in Idaho can it be sunny and blue skied and there's snow falling on your car.

5. I really miss Amy when she's gone.. She's my best friend and happens to keep my life together. It's good to know that I always have someone to talk to and not judge me.. EVER! She fantabulous.. and someday she and I will be famous Producers..

6. I should always have short hair.. Just letting you know.

7. Sometimes you just need to sing Fat Bottomed Girls at the top of your lungs in order to feel better..

I love you all.
Remember who you are and what you stand for.


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Random Thoughts #2.. Emotion.

I'm going to do another Random Thoughts today since I've had a lot of random thoughts. A lot of these today are really personal, but I feel like I need to write them out and I figure that I like to read about things going on people's lives.. so I think you wouldn't mind reading them.. but if you don't want to.. then.. obviously.. don't..

1. I love my roommates. Sometimes hanging out with them makes me sad that I never had sisters. But then I realize that if I did have sisters I probably wouldn't be spending so much time with my roomies. Honestly, every single one of them helps me in my life so much. I don't think I've ever been so excited to move anywhere than right now. I miss living with them so much that when I think about how close this next semester is I can't help but jump up and down for joy. Anyways, I hope you all know that I love you and appreciate everything that you do. Mostly, thanks for letting me laugh and be myself with you guys. It means a whole lot.

2.** (Sorry Jess! There is a Glee Spoiler in here.. like right now.. Look away now and read this section once you've seen Glee.)** Tonight on Glee Blaine finally kissed Kurt. It's something we've all been waiting for, and really i'm glad it finally happened. I think it's so amazing that Kurt is out and proud about himself and finally is has paid off for him. I also think it's so inspiring to have that on the television. I cannot fully explain to you my thoughts on this cause really it's all just emotions. How many of us truly show each other who we really are? I know I don't. I think it's so sad that in this world you can't go up to someone and say, "I'm gay," and not expect love from them. Why should we judge people? It's so wrong. It's also inspiring to see people living the way they want. It's easy to sit in the closet and hide.. It truly is. Alright maybe not the EASIEST thing in the world, but it's a lot easier then telling people who have always looked up to you and have always had the best faith in your and your future that you aren't who you are, and you never have been. It's frightening. So Kurt (I realize he's not real, but i'm really just talking to all the Kurt's out there.) Good on you for standing up for who you are. You truly are amazing.. And maybe someday I'll be able to take my own advice.

3. I miss you, I know you know who you are and i'm sure other people can guess. It scares me how much I miss you. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think of you and the way you would talk to me and hold my hand and just.. Love me. I know I messed up.. I know that.. But so did you.. and I know you know that. I was talking to a good friend the other night and he told me that he would always give someone a second chance.. I never did that. I regret it now. But, I can't begin to tell you how badly you hurt me. I can't even explain to you what you did to me actually.. did to me. I want to make things right, but I don't know how. I especially don't want you to not say hi to your friends when they come to watch you sing, just because i'm there. I NEVER wanted that. I just.. didn't want it to hurt anymore. But after seeing you, I realize that it probably won't stop hurting, because I Love you.. You are truly the one person who knows EVERYTHING about me. I can't say that about anyone else. You understand me. I trust you with my books if I die.. because you know what's best for me and you know what's best for them. I'm also afraid to apologize because of everyone else. People expect me to be strong for myself right now, but all I want is to curl up in your arms and bawl. I've needed you.. I truly have. I just.. want you to know that I love you.. and I miss you. I'm not the same person without you.. because i'm not a person without you.. I'm just this floating entity that's moving it's way through this life. It's cheesy, but you do kind of complete me. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this because most everyone around me is on this.. life high. Everything is going so great for them, and i'm happy for them, I am. Really.. I am. But it just makes me realize how empty I am.. When people talk about going on dates I don't think I have to cause I have you.. I think we need to talk.. In person.. But.. I've happened to delete off the face of my world.. And i'm also afraid to take the first step.. because i'm afraid of where it will lead me..

Thanks guys, for letting me get this out..
Remember who you are and what you stand for.. do as I say.. not as I do..

<3 KDWan..

Monday, March 14, 2011


I can't write. Usually this doesn't happen. It's not like I have writers block or anything. I mean I have a Quatrillion ideas moving around in my head. I have almost a whole entire book written in my head, definitely the ending to about three, but I can't write. I've noticed a trend with my life.. when nothing is happening, nothing is happening on my laptop either. Lets see, I wake up, whenever I want. Usually I eat lunch and then either work out or play video games (depends on the day), Then I take a shower, after the shower I get ready. Then I find something to do. Whether it's try to write, watch Netflix/YouTube, or play video games. Then I eat dinner, find something else to do and then go to bed. It's the same thing every single day. I need something different. I just feel like i'm suffocating and it's showing in my writing.. School starts in about a month, hopefully I will be able to get back to normal writing then.
Anyhow. Thanks for listening tome rant. I love you.

Remember who you are and what you stand for..

<3 KDWan.

Monday, March 07, 2011

The world saving kiss.

Have you ever had those days where you realize that you haven't been kissed in a long time and all you really want is to be walking down the street minding your own business and someone walks straight towards you, puts their hands on the side of your face, and just kisses you. Kiss you like there is no tomorrow. Like if they don't kiss you right there in that moment everything in the whole entire world will fall apart. Then when you break apart and their hands are still on the side of your face you know something just went right in the universe..

I need to be kissed like that again.. cause I miss it.

so really..
Kiss me..

Remember who you are and what you stand for..

and always.. I love you.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Random thoughts #1

I figured I would put some random thoughts here on the blogeth..

1. I really miss singing. I went to the ISU choir concert last night, it was good. It really just made me miss it. I mean, more than I usually do. I think this upcoming semester I will try to take a choir class. If it fits..

2. I sent off a few queries for my book Silver Lining. Wish me luck. I'm not expecting too much. My book is rather controversial even for now a days, but you know there's always that part of you that thinks amazing things are going to happen after your first batch of letters. of course it would be nice to get all the waiting over (it does, in fact, happen to be the worst part.) I just wanted to get the ball rolling, maybe get a little feedback. I think I had a pretty solid Query letter though. Well.. here's to the future.

3. Why did my car's gas Mileage go bad after I got a tuneup.. Poor Millennium Starshine.. She's having problems.

4. I love people.. I know I say I hate people a lot, but we all know i'm kidding. I really just love.. people and their development.. how they deal with things and blah blah.. I think that's why I read so many blogs and watch so many vlogs and not do too much of either, like I've promised. But seriously when people tell me about their problems.. I listen.. because i'm interested.

5. I like to live on my own. I think anyone who has moved out of their home and then back in can say the same. It's just different. love my family to death.. but I kinda like to be on my own.

6. Sometimes I wish I was cooler.

(and finally) 7. I've realized that lately I haven't been writing for myself. I was playing Star Wars Force Unleashed and I was like. "I want to write a book about a Gay Jedi. how cool would that be? (I mean think about it) " and then in my head I heard, 'that won't sell. plus you have to get rights from George Lucas and he probably wouldn't let that happen.' so I've become what I didn't want to be, someone who just writes to sell books. I guess i haven't BECOME that person but i'm slowly changing. Don't worry cause I caught it.. and you can probably expect a book about a Gay Jedi shortly.

I love you all.
Remember who you are and what you stand for (whether someone thinks it's a good or not)


Wednesday, March 02, 2011

My Binary Sunset..

"You know that part of Star Wars where Luke Skywalker is watching the binary sunset right on the edge of the greatest adventure of his life.. That's how I feel."

I posted this as my Facebook status a few days ago and I figure I would expound on the idea.

I'm coming up on my 20th birthday. I've lived a long time. A lot of things could've happened to me in those 20 years. Luckily it's been pretty good for me. I like to think that's the same thing Luke Skywalker was feeling. He went his whole life just being a moisture farmer. He had friends just like everyone else did. He had people who loved him just like everyone else did, but little did Luke know that he would be one of the most needed people in the galaxy. He didn't know that he was about to go on the biggest adventure of his entire life. So what i'm saying is, how do I not know that i'm going to change the galaxy. What if tomorrow my own Obi Wan comes along and teaches me the way of the force and I take down an evil empire. Or what if something else happens, but change the world just the same. I like to think that, that's going to happen. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe in a month or so.. but i'm going to wake up one morning and know that everything is going to be different. It may not be easier and it may not be any more fun, but it's going to be different. So I guess right now, righting this blog.. This is my binary sunset and i'm watching the suns go down below the horizon hoping for a future that will surely come. I will change the world and you will see..
You will see.

-KD Wan Kenobi.