Sunday, November 27, 2011

That's the Truth..

I feel like I need to disappear for awhile. Not like go somewhere and be gone, but just... fall of the face of the earth a little. I have three weeks of school left and I think I will completely focus all of my attention on that and also on editing my book. I think then I will be able get my mind off things and hopefully when these next three weeks are through I will have figured everything out.
Wish me luck..

Don't worry, I'll be making videos so you'll see me.
I love you all.
Remember who you are and what you stand for.

<3 KD Wan John Silver Martin-Howell-Kenobi-Snape.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Phoenix Complex

First off: I am sorry I haven’t written in awhile. School has ripped me a new one and boy do I love it…

Second off: The actual blog…

As I wrote Silver Lining I tried to make Collin/Shiloh much like me. I wanted to write Silver Lining for me and I wanted it to be about me and symbolize some things that I went through. Well, as I wrote it I began to notice that when I wrote Phoenix everything happened so smoothly, he came to life at my fingertips without any effort from my brain. He was the perfect opposite of Collin and that’s why they worked out. Well, after writing the book, the second, and starting the third I began to realize that I REALLY enjoyed writing Phoenix. So as I went back to edit I realized that his parts were the easiest for me to read through. But when he leaves and gives his protection of Collin over to Rylan I have to stop every time. There is something about that scene that takes a lot of out of me. I have to take a break before I can jump into the story again and I think recently I have discovered why… I have never been Collin/Shi— I have always been Phoenix. In my mind I was this wimpy protagonist that finds love and changes their life, when really, I was the person who was never seen for who he really was. I was a person who had to hide himself from the world. I was someone who, after finding love, became much more complicated. Then as I looked through all the stories and how Phoenix’s life is whipped around without a care, always the back seat, I realized once again… I am him.
Well, now as I am writing the third book I have hit a roadblock. I mean literally. I sit at my computer screen, the marker blinking, for hours and nothing is able to come out, it’s because Phoenix is stuck. He’s stuck somewhere in the middle and I had a choice to make either I could give Phoenix the world—Happiness, Love, Money… Or I could take it away from him, leave him empty handed and alone…

After last night I got my answer…
I’m sorry Phoenix…
You and I both knew it couldn’t end up the way we wanted.

P.S.: I am going back to old school—finishing the book the way I started it… hand writing. Phoenix and I are going to have one more final push to the end then we'll see where we end up.