Sunday, April 03, 2011

April Fools

I hate April Fool's... Let me tell you why.

First of all, I am probably one of the most gullible people on this planet. If you tell me something i'll more that likely believe it. If you jokingly say you're engaged, I will buy you a wedding present, or tell every single person that I know. Also, I hardly every know what actual day it is. So if you say, You shouldn't take everything so seriously on the first day of April.. I DON'T FREAKING KNOW IT'S THE FIRST! I'm a person that has to get their phone out multiple times a day just to remember that it's Thursday.
Secondly, I hate being pranked/scared (even though my mother got me pretty good this year, and I was rather proud. But I have yet to find her second joke.) There is nothing worse than feeling like you're about to die and that's how I feel every time I am scared.
Lastly, this remotely pertains to my first point. I will just reiterate the fact that I am completely and entirely gullible. I guess I just trust the people close enough to me to not lie to me, or make me believe something that isn't true. A joke this year really got to me. (I realize that this topic has come up a lot lately, but truthfully it's all I have been able to think about. I really can't talk about it to anyone, so I write it here so whoever wants to actually listen, will, and the people who don't, won't. This is just.. a place for me to get my thoughts out.. onto paper, if you will.) This "Joke" made me realize how much I am not over 'you' (surely most of you know who you is. If not.. Sorry about that.) I hadn't realized how completely and fully I gave myself to you. I haven't done that in a long time. This "joke" wasn't funny. In fact this joke made me furious with 'him.' In a moment my mind went through a million scenarios of how I wouldn't have to see either of you again and it hurt because you're both friends, friends I don't want to lose. Then when you told me it was a "Joke." I was glad you told me the truth, but I just wished that you could see exactly what it did to me. I don't think that you ever will, I doubt anyone ever will. Honestly, I don't know what I want. I probably won't for awhile. Really, I just needed to write out how I feel. That's why I have this blog.. To write out feelings, or put my random thoughts to public view..
Finally, I hate April Fools. I hope you realize this by now..

I Love you all.
Remember who you are and what you stand for.

<3 KDWan John Silver Martin-Howell.

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